that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
