separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize