hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
