Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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