spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
