i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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