I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
