the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
