Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
