Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
