I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
