I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
