I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
