Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
