Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You dont lie about slip and slides
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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