People in love make me want to vomit
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
