You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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