I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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