If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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