playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
