Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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