If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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