I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
