One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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