She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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