Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize