Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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