I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
