and i looked up. we had an audience...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
