would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize