Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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