Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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