No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
