It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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