At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
