I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
