Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
