She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
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