You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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