I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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