I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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