According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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