My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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