my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
