im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
