I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
