Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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