Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
