Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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