first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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