He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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