Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
