I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
