I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
