did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
