My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
