just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
