Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
