They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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