Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
