My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
