walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
