brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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