she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
