My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
