anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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